Friday, June 22, 2012

The Honeymoon Period is Over

So what do you do when your sweet, loving puppy finally adjusts to her new home and starts terrorizing all living beings in the house?

You spend hours on the internet reading dog training articles, hunting for the perfect dog training book, and watching youtube dog training videos. You also give your dog nicknames like Tiny Terror, Tiny Devil, and Tiny Diablo.

There is a reason puppies are cute, no one would keep them if they weren’t. There is also a reason that the SPCA has a 14-day return policy, a lot of people don’t understand how much work a puppy can be. Puppies don’t understand what we are saying and they don’t know anything. You have to teach them everything. What does everything include?

  1. Other dogs and humans are not chew toys
  2. Don’t eat the slugs
  3. Don’t eat wasps or bees either
  4. Go ahead and eat the June bugs
  5. Just because something is on the ground, and this includes my shoes when they are on my feet, does not mean it is a chew toy.
  6. If Lil Dog is chewing on her bone, which is identical to the bone you are chewing on, it is not OK to drop yours and steal hers. You were perfectly fine with yours until you saw that she had something.
  7. Eating the strawberries off of the bush is not fair to the rest of us. You need to learn to share. And while we’re on the topic, please don’t roll on top of the bush when you eat the strawberries either.
  8. Playing tug of war with the plants in the vegetable garden is not acceptable.
  9. Kids should not be feared, they just want to love on you.
  10. Car rides are fun
  11. Hiding under the couch when the doorbell rings is not typical big-dog behavior
  12. Don’t lie in the grass in the rain and claim you don’t like baths. I’m onto you.
  13. Don’t eat the dirt out of the potted plants
  14. Not everyone who comes over is going to think it’s cute when you lick the condensation off of their mardi gras cup
  15. Don’t untie my shoes if you can’t retie them
  16.  Your ID tags are not a chew toy you just happen to carry on you at all times
  17. Swinging from the curtains is not OK.
  18. Rugs are not the same thing as grass.
  19. Pottying outside, in the grass, makes everyone happy. 

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